Christmas Cake

By now, you should be just about done with your Christmas baking. But if you're not, don't panic! I come to your rescue with a fantastic and foolproof recipe.


INGREDIENTS:

1 cup water
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups dried fruit
1 cup butter
1 Bottle Vodka

DIRECTIONS:

• Sample the vodka to check quality.
• Take a large bowl.
• Check vodka again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat.
• Turn on the electric mixer. Beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon sugar. Beat again.
• At this point it is best to make sure the vodka is still okay. Try another cup, just in case. Turn off the mixerer.
• Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in a cup of dried fruit.
• Pick fruit off the floor. Mix on the turner.
• If fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
• Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.
• Next sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares what!
• Check the vodka. Now sift the lemon juice and strain the nuts. Add 1 table.
• Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
• Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
• Don't forget to beat off the turner.
• Finally, throw the bowl through the window and finish the vodka.

Merry Crissmash!